A threesome is no longer the social taboo it may once have been. The question of whether you have one monogamous relationship is usually completely harmless today, at least among young people. It’s also become easier to subtly yet clearly ask a person if they’re interested in going home with you without getting hit with handbags or fists.

How do you as a couple even find someone who will join in?

There are certainly very different ways in which you can clarify a third person. Getting sex is probably easier than ever these days, and threesomes, which are often viewed as oh-so-wicked in small-town circles, are no exception. Create a shared Tinder profile, chat up people at a house party who fit your prey pattern, or get to know someone casually at the club. Experience has shown that the chances of success are better than you think.

A threesome with two women – like in porn?

First of all, I should probably say that I can only talk about the constellation of one man and two women. It’s probably a man’s ultimate fantasy to sleep with two women at the same time. Two women making out with each other is often so fetishized in our society that men who have never had a threesome with two women probably believe that the man is always the center of attention.

At least when you have a threesome in this constellation in a relationship, my experience is that the taken woman is the focus most of the time. Because when you have a semi-sensitive boyfriend and a semi-sensitive second wife, the most important thing to both of them is usually that the taken woman feels wanted and good.

After all, she is the one who allows her boyfriend to sleep with someone else in the first place and who thereby makes the threesome possible in the first place. Of course, that’s not to say that married men generally have no problem seeing their girlfriend making out with another woman just because she’s a woman. But let’s be honest: Many men probably don’t particularly mind seeing their girlfriend with another woman.

Does everything always happen like in a movie?

Admittedly, if you were to watch what was happening as a spectator, it would probably sometimes look like a scene from a porno that would make all men’s fantasies come true.

But sometimes not. As is probably often the case in a threesome, I have also found that there are moments in which one person doesn’t really know what to do. A threesome doesn’t just consist of perfect moments, because sometimes the odd laugh or a bit of awkwardness creeps in, because very few people have had threesomes very often and always know what to do and when. But that’s not a bad thing, because after all, sex shouldn’t be about striving for perfection, but simply real.

Does it hurt to see him with someone else?

Of course, I can only speak for myself here, and my personal answer is: Not if he does it right. First of all I have to say that my friend and I have one open relationship and so of course I’m somewhat used to the idea that he also sleeps with other people.

But in both open and monogamous relationships, you usually only have a threesome with your partner if you expect some kind of fun and adventure from it. This assumes that you enjoy it yourself – and if this condition is met, you probably almost automatically enjoy it.

And when it starts?

The dominant feeling before it starts is not the fear that he might pay more attention to the other person, but rather the excitement and appeal of the unknown. It’s incredibly exciting to take someone you don’t know home with you – especially if it’s the first time.

What you should generally pay attention to in order not to hurt your partner is that you don’t spend too long with the other person. Maybe there’s more appeal in that moment in sleeping with someone you don’t normally sleep with. And of course you can let off steam and have fun – but not for so long that your partner gets the feeling that they are only playing a supporting role.

The question also arises as to whether one… One night stand should stay or whether you want to see the other person again. If you can’t imagine seeing a person you shared with your partner more often, that’s perfectly fine. But who knows – maybe that will change at some point. Never say never!